Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
