Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
