Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
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