To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
