Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
