Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You can't just leave with hair like that
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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