Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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