you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
