Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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