There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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