Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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