Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize