1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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