Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
