I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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