8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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