I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
