Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
