420 ftw
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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