he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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