My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
