I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Randomize
