just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
he shaved USA in his pubs
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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