Whatcha textin bout Willis?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
