Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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