You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
