I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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