I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
