i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How does one acquire holy water?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
