wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
