Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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