dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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