id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
