I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
