all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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