i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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