I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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