Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
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