i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
