Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
