and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
