That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
