i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
