I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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