Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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