Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
A bitchslap is in order.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
