I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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