Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
