Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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