well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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