i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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