just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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