There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
