I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
