she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize