you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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