Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize