i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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