we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
