Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
