if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
