Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
