True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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