I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
