dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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