Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
