It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
