just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I AM VODKA MAN
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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