I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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