I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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