i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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