he wants to bone in the snuggie
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
