the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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