your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
