Ambien. No doubt about it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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