Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
