just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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