There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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