Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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