They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You smell like stripper and shame
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
