I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
