Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
