Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize