My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
