Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
