Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
