Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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