i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
