I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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