Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
