I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
