I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
