i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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