So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
