I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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