We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
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