Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
