i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im part way to drunk.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
