I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
50% drunk capacity currently
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
