In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
