Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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